So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
