highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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