I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
