Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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