i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
