i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
