This girl is more easily done than said...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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