haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
