porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
