my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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