we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
