dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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