She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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