i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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