What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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