i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
