Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
