Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So much rum. So many feels.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
