please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do vagina's smell?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
