Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
