I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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