Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
