Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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