literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
