I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she looked like the before picture.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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