True but thats because hes a fetus.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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