Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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