my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Everclear isn't food dammit
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
