mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
