Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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