someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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