My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
