you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
