I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am midnight drunk by noon
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
