On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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