Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
