She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
