my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
