Can Purell be used as lube?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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