you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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