New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Everclear isn't food dammit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
