Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
