That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
