just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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