i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
