We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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