I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
