we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
