dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
