Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
