I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
