I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
