your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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